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Camp.

1st September 2024

Sunday

It howled again last night. We all heard it this time. We stayed up all night. Tammy and Jodie almost cried, but the rest of us just gritted our teeth and made a vow not to tell the councilors. The last time I tried to tell them what was happening, they just looked at me with their fake model smiles and told me it was the wind. But there was no wind, not even around the mountain just behind the camp. It’s the middle of summer; the most we get is a soft breeze. Nothing strong enough to shake the walls of the cabin. 

I wish my parents hadn’t sent me here. I know they thought it’d help, but seriously. How would dumping a group of kids in a glorified field help anyone? If anything, I’ve gotten worse. The intrusive thoughts are still there, and every so often, I find my hands reaching out for a bow and arrow, or a boat oar, or… something worse. Maybe they’re getting worse because I’m not getting enough sleep. Or maybe I’m just losing my mind. Who knows?

2nd September 2024

Monday

It kept us up again. Today, we look like ghosts. Tammy’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown, but when isn’t she? There’s always something with that girl. Then again, at a camp for troubled teens, there’s always something with all of us. I’m the oldest at 14. Christine is the youngest at 11. None of us think we should be here, but our parents do. We’re kids, what are we going to do? Argue with them? Not likely. So we all got shipped off to Happy Times Summer Camp for Troubled Kids. It’s a stupid name considering we’re here all year, not just during summer. I hate that name, and I hate this place. The people are OK, if you don’t include the councilors.
They both seem… strange. They’re in their early twenties, both with dazzling smiles that never leave their faces, both of them attractive enough to be models. How do people like this even exist? And why did they think it’d be a good idea to let them work at a place where the kids they look after hate the way they look? We’re all awkward and gross, and they only make us feel worse just by existing in the same area as us. It sucks. Their refusal to believe us makes it worse.
I get that nobody really believes in monsters anymore, but surely you should at least look into the claims of a group of kids. Especially those who are here for a reason. I’m sick of getting discounted by adults just because I’m a kid. It’s been happening way too much lately. My parents sent me here because I told them that the missing boy was in the well, and now I’m hearing things again. They think I’m crazy, and they think that it’s OK to just ship me off to the middle of nowhere just to get rid of me. They seem to forget that they did find that boy’s body in the well. Just where I knew it’d be. I didn’t see the body myself, but my cousin caught a glimpse when they were dragging him out of the well. He told me that his body looked like a balloon, all blown up, and even the adults looked like they were going to be sick. I wish I could have seen it.

3rd September 2024

Tuesday

I’ve thought of another thing I hate about this place: The lake. It runs on the right hand side of the camp and every so often, when the weather’s nice enough, we’re forced to swim in it. The councilors say that it’ll help us destress and think about why we’re here, but none of us agree. Tommy from the boys’ cabin started screaming earlier. He swore that something grabbed his ankle, even though it turned out to be Mike playing a trick on him. The councilors thought it was funny, but us kids didn’t. We’ve all felt weird stuff since we came here. Christine refuses to go into the Mess Hall because she swears that she saw a man dressed like a cowboy watching her through the window when she first arrived. She eats outside on her own. I’ve never actually seen anything here, but I hear the howling and the screams. The others sometimes hear the howls, but the screams are just for me. I don’t think they’re human. There’s something… animal about them. I don’t really know how to explain it. All I know is that they’ve kept me up for the past four days, which is why I’m writing this. I want a log of everything that’s happened. I’m going to gather as much evidence as I can and then show it to the councilors. They can’t ignore me if I show them evidence, can they?

4th September 2024

Wednesday

5th September 2024

Thursday

It happened again. All night this time. Normally it’s just for an hour or two, but I timed it. The howls started at 11pm and went on until 5am. The screams started at Midnight and stopped at the same time as the howls. I was the only one who heard it. Everyone was already asleep before Lights Out, and they didn’t wake up at all. How could they do that? The pictures on the walls were shaking because of how loud it was. It sounded like whatever was making the noises was right outside the cabin, but I never got out of bed. What if it had seen me?
I know nobody believes me. I wrote to my parents to tell them, but they haven’t bothered to reply. Why would they? I’m just the crazy kid that they want to get rid of. I bet they’re happier without me.
They never knew what to do when I heard things. Like when I heard a voice whispering that Dad was sleeping with the babysitter. I told Mom, and she just gave me a blank stare, asking how I knew. When I told her about the voice, she yelled at me. I could tell she was scared, but who yells at a nine year old for something they can’t control. That’d be like kicking a puppy for wanting to play.
I guess eventually they got sick of me, so they shipped me off here, and now it’s happening again. This time though, people believe me. Yes, it’s just my fellow campers, but someone believes me. When everyone heard it for the first time, Christine insisted on investigating. She may be the youngest, but she’s definitely the most disturbing. We don’t really know why she’s here, but we can guess. Mike snuck his phone into his bunk one night and Googled all of us. It’s his stupid idea of a prank. He didn’t tell us what he found out about Christine, but since that night he refuses to be left alone with her. Even during group activities he refuses to be anywhere near her. We’ve started making fun of him for it. 

6th September 2024

Friday

The investigation officially begins tonight. Tammy’s parents sent her a camera so that she could take photos of the camp to show them, and she promised to let me use it to document anything we find. All of the girls are in. We haven’t told the boys. They’re stupid, and besides, they don’t hear anything. Charlotte asked them once if they’d heard anything, but they’d just kicked her to the ground and rubbed her face in the dirt. They think it’s funny. I wish the monster would go after them and leave us alone. 

*****

We’re ready to go. We have a plan, and a map of the camp.

I’ll update you later.

7th September 2024

Saturday

Nothing happened. We stayed up all night. And nothing happened. No howls. No screams. Nothing. Now everyone really does think I’m crazy.
The plan I made was really simple. Me, Christine and Tammy hid in the woods behind our cabin, waiting. Watching. We were sure something was going to happen. Jodie, Charlotte and Briony stayed in the cabin, looking out of the windows, holding their baseball bats. Jude and Caroline scoped out the lake. I know we never hear the howls near the lake, but something about it is weird. This place has so many mysteries. I want to know about all of them.
I think I fell asleep at some point, because when I woke up, one of the councilors (I think her name’s Janet) was standing next to me, that stupid smile still on her face. She told us that we weren’t meant to be out there, and she made us come back to the cabin. When we got there, one of the other councilors (Jesse is his name) had Jude and Caroline on either side of him, the same weird smile on his face too. They took us into our cabin and told us that it’s forbidden for us to be out of our cabins after Lights Out. I don’t see why. There’s no bears or anything in the woods, and we’re completely safe. Right?

8th September 2024

Sunday

9th September 2024

Monday

10th September 2024

Tuesday

We’re going to try again, and this time, we’re going to find something. For the past couple of days, the screams have seemed closer. Even Charlotte heard them last night. She snuck into my bunk and cuddled up to me all night until it stopped. I don’t mind admitting that I was scared. Having someone else with me… hearing the same things I can hear. It felt nice. In a weird way.
We stayed up, whispering about our lives, until we both fell asleep, and when we woke up, the sun was shining and the screaming had stopped. Everything was OK again. When the others woke up, Charlotte told them what had happened. She thought they might listen more if she was the one that told them. She was right. People never believe me. It’s kind of like my curse. Like that old Greek Seer, Cassandra. Nobody ever believed her either. After Charlotte had finished, the other girls promised that they’d help us. And this time, we’d be more careful. 

The rest of the day was boring. Arts & Crafts, followed by foraging. I don’t get the point of these useless activities. It’s not like we’re ever going to need to know how to tie a knot or which mushrooms are poisonous. That’s what grocery stores are for. The best part of the day was the campfire.

Once a week, every Tuesday, we have a campfire in the clearing next to the lake. I don’t understand why they decided it was a good idea to have it in the middle of the week. It seems more like a weekend thing. But I love it. I love the fire. The way it flickers and makes the shadows go long on everyone’s faces. The only thing that could make it better would be if the councilors weren’t there. Jesse had a ukulele tonight. It was annoying. And the entire time, they all had that smile. They kept telling us that if we ever heard anything in the woods, or outside the cabins, it was just the wind. The way they said it was creepy. Like they knew they were lying to us. Like they knew what was really making the noises. Me and Charlotte talked about it just after Lights Out. She snuck into my bunk again. We both agreed that something strange was happening, and we made a promise to each other that we would find out what. No matter what happened.

11th September 2024

Wednesday

Wednesday is our ‘rest day’, which meant that me and Charlotte could spend all day working on our next plan. We’ll let the others know when the time comes, but for now, it’s our little secret. While the others spent the day outside, playing and swimming, we hid in the cabin, drawing more maps and coming up with any plan we could think of. Charlotte thinks it’s pretty good, but I’m not too sure. We need to include the boys, and I really really don’t want to. I don’t trust them. They’re just so… different to us. More emotional. More angry. But if Charlotte thinks it’ll help, then I’ll do it. After all, we’re going to need a distraction. Our plan takes care of the councilors this time. The boys will sneak out of their cabin and take a boat to the middle of the lake. They’ll pretend they can’t get back, successfully distracting the councilors while us girls make our way into the woods. I know there’s something out there, and it probably has a lair. We’re going to find it. I’m going to find proof that I’m not crazy. It’s all happening next week so we can have time to prepare. We’re only going to tell the others on the day, so that there’s less chance for the councilors to find out. I hope they all agree to help. 

12th September 2024

Thursday

The boys are scared of the lake now. Today we went boating. It was a nice day. I much prefer being in a boat to being in the water. We were all having a nice time. Me, Charlotte, Christine, Jodie and Councilor Jesse were in a boat together, and the others were with Councilor Janet in the other boat. Everything was going fine. We were laughing as we rowed, and for once I was actually enjoying myself. But then I heard it. The howling. It didn’t sound close this time, maybe because we were in the middle of the lake. But I heard it. I think the councilors did too. Jesse stopped smiling, and his eyes got wider. He kept trying to get Janet’s attention, but she wasn’t paying attention. She kept looking into the woods. Her smile was gone too. They look weird when they’re not smiling. I also never noticed how similar they look. Maybe they’re related.
Anyway, we were there on the lake, listening to the howling, when I noticed that the other boat was moving, but none of them were rowing. And it was moving to the side, not forwards or backwards like boats normally do. It was almost like something was pushing them away from us. The boys and Tammy kept trying to get Janet’s attention, but she just kept looking into the woods. She looked scared. Christine tried to get Jesse to help them, but he just kept looking into the woods too. I followed his gaze and I swear I saw something. I don’t know what it was. It moved too fast for me to see properly. But there was something in the woods, watching us.
I opened my mouth to tell the others. I wanted to shout and point and make them see, but the world turned upside down, and then we were in the water. The boat was on top of us, and my mouth filled with water. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t breathe. I tried to swim up, but the boat was in the way. And then I felt it. Something cold and slimy grazed my leg, and I looked down. The lake is really dirty, so I couldn’t see anything. All of a sudden, I remembered the stories about sea monsters my parents used to tell me, before they sent me here. I could imagine the sharp teeth and the blood that would fill the water. In a weird way, it excited me.
I felt someone pulling me up to the surface, and then I could see the sky again. Jesse was gripping my arm, his smile back in place as he trod water and gathered us kids up. Janet swam over and helped him get our boat the right side up. I don’t know where her boat went. I couldn’t see it. They loaded us kids into the boat and pushed it back to the shore. It was only when we got back on dry land that we realized that Mike wasn’t with us. I wondered where he was, and then we heard him screaming. We saw him in the middle of the lake, trying to stay on top of the water, and then he went under, like something grabbed him. Jodie started crying, and the boys kept yelling. Everything was so loud. I couldn’t concentrate on one thing at a time, and I started to shake. I don’t know if it was because I was cold and wet or if it was because everything was too much, but when I managed to calm myself down, Jesse was back in the water, swimming to where Mike was. We all watched him dive under the water, that stupid smile still on his face. It felt like hours until we saw him again. Tommy was the first one to see him. He jumped up and down on the dock and pointed. We all looked and saw Jesse dragging Mike behind him as he swam back to us. When they got to us, Jesse laid Mike down on the ground and we all gathered around. His eyes were closed, and his clothes were torn, and he wasn’t breathing. Janet pushed Jesse out of the way and began pressing on his chest and blowing air into his mouth. I think it’s called CPR. She tried for a long time, but he never started breathing again. When she finally gave up, Mike was pale white. Nobody said anything for a long time. I was the first one to speak. I looked around and noticed that Briony was missing, but when I asked where she was, everyone ignored me except for Janet, who said that there wasn’t a camper with that name. But I know that there is. She’s my friend. Her bunk is directly across the cabin from mine. I chose not to push it. Everyone was still watching Jesse try to save Mike.
I couldn’t stop staring at his body. I wanted to reach out and touch it, but I knew that the councilors wouldn’t like that. So I didn’t.

13th September 2024

Friday

14th September 2024

Saturday

Nobody really said anything yesterday. A van came to get Mike’s body, but none of us saw it. We were confined to our cabins, but we heard it. I tried to look out the window to get a peek at it, but Janet was standing in front of the cabin, talking to Jesse. I don’t know how, but I think she knew I was there. She turned to look at me, and her smile faded for a moment as she stared at me, shaking her head. It creeped me out, so I closed the curtain and went back to my bunk. I need to talk to Charlotte. There’s no way the boys will agree to help us now. I don’t even know if the girls will want to help. Tammy, Christine and Jodie have been crying on and off all day, and Charlotte’s been staring at the wall for a while now. I still don’t know where Briony is, I haven’t seen her in a few days.
Everyone’s scared. I can understand that, but how can they not want revenge? Something obviously killed Mike. Something dangerous. How can they not want to know what it was? The councilors aren’t any better. When they’d taken us back to our cabins (they left Mike on the docks while they did), I asked about the howling. They kept smiling while they told me that it was just the wind. They’re both liars. I hate being lied to.

15th September 2024

Sunday

I’m going to sneak out of the cabin tonight. I’m not going to tell anyone, not even Charlotte. We haven’t really spoken since the other day. I don’t think I can trust her anymore. I tried to talk to her about our plan today during lunch, but she just gave me a weird look and shook her head. She said she doesn’t think it’s a good idea after what happened to Mike. She told me that she’s scared. I can understand that, but I want to know what’s happening in this place. There’s something in the lake, and there’s something in the woods. I need to find out what it is. My plan is simple: I’ll wait until everyone’s asleep, then climb out of the window. Our cabin door squeaks when it opens, so at least nobody will hear me leave. I’m going to check out the lake first. I think that whatever is in there is trapped. The thing in the woods isn’t. It seems a little safer at the lake, as long as I don’t go in the water. After the other day, I don’t think I’m going in the water ever again. I’m going to look for the missing boat. It still hasn’t shown up. Hopefully I’ll be able to find it. I’m sure that it will have some answers. Maybe some scratches or marks from whatever killed Mike. I will finally have evidence that something wrong is happening here.

16th September 2024

Monday

I don’t want to talk about it.

17th September 2024

Tuesday

18th September 2024

Wednesday

Mike isn’t dead. Well, that’s not really true. He is dead, but he’s also back. When we woke up this morning and went to the Mess Hall for breakfast, we heard screaming coming from the boys’ cabin. Tommy and Kevin ran out crying, and hid behind us. They kept whimpering, and we couldn’t understand what they were trying to say, and then Charlotte screamed. We all looked at the cabin and froze when we saw Mike standing in the doorway, dressed in his pajamas and looking at us as if he was very confused. Jesse and Janet ran over to us and stopped when they saw him, their stupid smiles coming back. Janet told us that the van that came to pick him up was actually an ambulance. She said that he wasn’t dead, just unconscious. I don’t believe her. We all saw his body. They left him lying on the dock all night before they came to pick him up. There is no way he didn’t die. But how is he back? It just proves that there is definitely something wrong with this camp. It’s made me more sure than ever that something horrible is happening, and I’m determined to get to the bottom of it.

19th September 2024

Thursday

Mike has the same smile as the councilors now. We’ve all noticed it. It’s exactly the same as Jesse and Janet’s smiles. It’s fake, but it never leaves his face. Even this morning. He was running around, acting like an idiot like he always did, when he fell over. I saw the blood coming from his knee. Before he died, he would have been crying and screaming, but he never stopped smiling. It gave us all the creeps.
The one good thing about him being back from the dead is that Charlotte believes me again. She snuck into my bunk again last night. She apologized for brushing me off and promised that she’d help me figure out what was going on. That’s when I noticed how cold she was. We cuddled until we fell asleep.
We’re going to talk to the other girls tomorrow and see if they’ll help. I don’t think Jodie will – she’s scared of everything, but I know that Christine will. She might be the youngest of us all, but that girl is seriously messed up.

20th September 2024

Friday

The girls AND the boys are going to help us. Tommy and Kevin barged into our cabin just before Lights Out to tell us that something weird is going on with Mike. He fell asleep before them last night, and they stayed up to watch him. Kevin said that he didn’t stop smiling, even in his sleep. It freaked them out more than the howling, or the lake, or anything else. Finally, the others are starting to realize what I knew as soon as I got here: This place isn’t normal.
We’re going to sneak out just before Midnight. We’re going to barricade the door to the councilor’s cabin so that they can’t catch us, and we’re going into the woods. It’s strange though. I haven’t heard the howling since Mike died. But I know that the monster is still out there, waiting for us to lower our guard so it can come and get us. I’m not going to let that happen. I’ve given everyone tasks so that we’re ready for tonight. The boys are going to break into the activities shed and grab anything they can find that we could use for weapons. I hope they come back with bows and arrows. Tammy is going to lend me her camera so that I can take photos of anything we find. Charlotte’s going to climb into the trees to see if she can find anything. I think I remember Dad telling me once that a ‘high vantage point’ can be an advantage, whatever that means. And Christine is going to stay by the cabin, just in case the councilors manage to get out of their cabin. I stole Jesse’s whistle from his room earlier. He shouldn’t keep his window open, especially in a camp for Troubled Kids. I’ve given it to Christine and she’s wearing it under her dress. If she sees Jesse or Janet out of their cabin, her job is to blow the whistle as hard and as loud as she can so that we know what’s going on.
It’s almost Lights Out. Janet will be coming to lock us in soon. We’re almost ready.

21st September 2024

Saturday

THEY’RE LYING TO US ALL. They know it isn’t the wind! And now we know what it is.
The plan went perfectly. We managed to sneak out and meet up with the boys by the lake. I refused to go near it, so the others went ahead and came back to meet me afterwards. When we’d gathered our weapons (mostly baseball bats and hockey sticks) we made our way into the woods. We had no idea where we were going, so we chose a random direction. Me and Tommy took the lead. Charlotte took the trees. Every so often she called down to us, but we were walking for ages before she told us anything interesting.
She saw a cave in the mountain, and there was a light. In our minds, it was obviously the monster’s lair, so we changed direction and began hiking up the mountain. It wasn’t hard to do. We’ve done it so many times, whenever Jesse and Janet think we’re getting too lazy. They always take us up the easy trail, but this one was more difficult. It was steeper, and there were more rocks and tree branches across the path. We managed it though. We moved whatever we could and climbed over anything we couldn’t. Jodie said that it almost felt like something had put everything in the way to block us from getting to the cave. I told her that it was obviously the monster. It knew we were coming for it, and it wanted to stop us.
The sun was coming up by the time we got to the cave. Part of me wanted to turn back before Jesse and Janet realized we were missing, but a bigger part of me wanted answers. We stood in front of the entrance to the cave and just stared inside for a long minute. None of us said anything. We didn’t need to. We all knew that whatever we found in the cave would be dangerous, and we all knew that we’d look after each other, no matter what happened. Tommy coughed and asked who wanted to go first. As the leader, I said I would, and I stepped into the cave.
All I saw was candles. So many candles. Why does a monster need candles? When I wasn’t brutally murdered, the others came into the cave, and we looked around for a bit. We found a lot of papers. I was confused at first. I didn’t know monsters could read. But then Tammy found something else: Two ID’s. The photos were of Jesse and Janet, but the names had been left blank. That’s when it hit me. There is no monster. Janet and Jesse ARE the monster! They take turns making the howling noises and scaring us. Maybe they think we want to run away, and this is their way of stopping us. But it still doesn’t make sense. Why are the names on the ID’s blank? Why did they choose a cave for their lair when they have perfectly good rooms in their cabin? Does this mean that there’s nothing in the lake? And if the lake is empty, what did I see? I suddenly got scared. Were they behind that too? It really doesn’t make sense. I still think something else is going on, but I just don’t know what. But I promise I’ll find out.
I made sure to take lots of photos of the cave with Tammy’s camera, so at least there’s evidence that it exists. Now, I just need to find a way to get the photos to the police, or someone’s parents, so that we can finally get out of this place. 

22nd September 2024

Sunday

When we got back to camp, Charlotte snuck into my bed. It’s become our thing now. She’s only a year younger than me, and it’s nice to be friends with someone my own age. The others are just kids compared to us.
She could tell that something was bothering me, and she asked me what was wrong. I decided to trust her. After all, she was the one who told us about the cave. She wouldn’t do that if she was a part of the councilor’s plans. I decided to tell her about my night at the lake. 

I did find the boat that night. Or rather, it found me. I was sitting on the dock, wrapped in my blanket, waiting for any sign that there was a monster in the lake, when I saw something moving towards me in the water. I jumped up and put my fists up. I felt stupid. I’m a 14 year old girl. I can’t fight a sea monster.
It wasn’t a monster. As it got closer, I saw the red paint and the camp logo, and I realized that it was the missing boat. When it was close enough, I reached out to drag it to the dock, and that’s when I saw the claw marks in the bottom of the boat. The wood was splintered, and I could see why it had sunk to the bottom of the lake. There is no way it could have stayed afloat in that condition. What I couldn’t figure out is why it was floating now. I realized too late that there was something under the messed up chunk of wood.
I opened my mouth to scream just as a small hand reached out of the water, grabbing my wrist. It pulled me in. I fell into the lake with a splash, and dirty lake water filled my mouth, making me choke. I could still feel the hand on my wrist, but I couldn’t see anything. It’s hard enough seeing anything in that lake during the day – there’s no way I’d be able to see anything at night. I fought as hard as I could, trying to get back to the surface, but I didn’t know where the surface was. I’d gotten all turned around under the water. I couldn’t hold my breath for much longer. I managed to open my eyes long enough to see Briony staring back at me, her eyes dead and lifeless. Everything screamed at me to stop fighting, but I was scared. My body went into fight or flight, and it chose flight. I kicked my feet out, hitting her in the stomach, and she finally let go of me. I began swimming up, and up, and up, until I reached the surface. I gasped and began swimming back to the dock as fast as I could. I didn’t stop until I was safely out of the water. I stared at the lake while I caught my breath, waiting for Briony to reach out again, but she never did. I checked my arm, and I started crying. Normally when someone grabs your arm, they leave bruises shaped like fingers. Briony didn’t. Instead, all around my wrist were red, circular marks like suckers. It looked like I’d been grabbed by an octopus. But I was sure she had hands, not tentacles. That was the first time I thought that I was truly going insane.
I showed Charlotte the marks on my arm. They were faded, but they were still there. Her eyes went wide, and she stared at them for a long time before she asked who Briony was. Nobody seems to remember her, but I know she was a camper. We all met her. I told Charlotte this, but she looked at me in a weird way and said that it had only ever been us. That freaked me out more than anything that’s happened lately. Every day that passes makes me question my sanity even more.

23rd September 2024

Monday

Christine has the smile. I’m not sure how, but when we woke up this morning, she was already dressed and stood by the door, her back to us. When we tried to talk to her, she turned to us, and I think I screamed the loudest. The whistle was still on its string around her neck, so we know it wasn’t Jesse that got her. He would have tried to get his whistle back. I’m questioning everything. Maybe there really is a monster up in the mountain.

24th September 2024

Tuesday

I dreamed about the boy in the well last night, for the first time in a long time.
When my parents had asked how I’d known where he was, I couldn’t tell them. I didn’t know how I knew that. It felt like the place he was most likely to be, so that’s where I said he was. But I know how I knew now. It’s because I put him there. He wasn’t alive when I put him there. I took care of that. He’d been bullying me at school for a long time, and one day I had enough. So I let him chase me into the forest by the school, then I hid behind a tree until he came closer. The rock in my hand was heavy, but I was too angry at him to notice. He ran past me and stopped, looking around. I’m not sure how he didn’t see me, but thankfully he didn’t. I managed to sneak up on him. I still remember the thunk the rock made as it hit the back of his skull. It made me happy. He fell to the ground but I didn’t stop. I hit his head again, and again, and again, until there wasn’t much left. It was only afterwards that I realized that I’d killed him. It didn’t upset me. The only thing I could think of was that they’d find him if I left him here. Some of the other kids had seen him chase me, and they’d tell the police about it. I didn’t know what to do. Then I saw the well. It had been boarded up for years because of a kid that fell in a long time ago, but the wood was all rotten and gross. It wasn’t hard to rip it off. The hardest part was dragging his body. He was heavier than he looked, but I managed it. I think I laughed as I watched him tumble into the darkness. It excited me to think of him down there.
I can never tell anyone about this. I need to take this secret to my grave.

25th September 2024

Wednesday

26th September 2024

Thursday

To whoever finds this diary: RUN.

I’m writing this while hiding under my bed. Everyone else is dead. Charlotte. Tommy. Tammy. Kevin. And poor little Christine, but I think she’s been dead for a few days now. It was the councilors that did it. Jesse and Janet.
I was right. There is a monster in the cave. And one in the lake. And countless others around the camp. I don’t know where they came from, but I know what they want: THEY WANT TO KILL US ALL.

We decided to confront the councilors about their lair in the mountain. Armed with our baseball bats and hockey sticks, we decided to ambush them outside the Mess Hall, but they just smiled at us. I took the lead. I told them that we knew everything. Janet just smiled at me and told me that I know nothing. She said that it was just the wind. And then she began to change. Her smile got wider, literally wider, until it covered almost all of her face. Her teeth got longer until they were fangs, and her eyes got red and began leaking blood. The others started screaming, and the boys ran away. Cowards. I stood my ground. I knew there was a monster. I’m not going crazy. I was RIGHT.
Janet kept changing until I couldn’t recognize her anymore. Her skin got pale white and her hands grew into claws. Her back became hunched and her legs got longer until she was towering over us. I screamed at the other girls to run, and we scattered as Jesse smiled. He hadn’t moved an inch since Janet had begun changing, but he was the least of our problems.
I ran towards the cabin, but I stopped when I heard Charlotte screaming. I turned back just as a man dressed as a cowboy grabbed her as he stepped off the front porch of the Mess Hall. A chill ran through me as I remembered that Christine had been terrified because she’d seen him on her first day. I changed direction and ran towards them, yelling at him to let Charlotte go, but it was too late. The man had already killed her. He snapped her neck, and then he began to bite her. He was EATING HER. It made me feel sick, but there was nothing I could do for her now. I turned around and began running back to the cabin. All I could hear was screams as the rest of my friends were killed by Janet. When I reached the steps to the cabin, I turned around. Bits of bodies were flying through the air. Jesse had apparently also turned into a monster, because there were two of them, ripping children apart like a present on Christmas Day. I looked past them and saw Kevin and Tommy by the lake. Or rather, ABOVE the lake. A giant sea monster had them in its tentacles, and I knew that it was Briony. There was nothing I could do for any of them. I was their leader and I’d failed them. There was nothing I could do.
I ran into the cabin and slammed the door. I pushed as much furniture as I could against the door and hid under my bed. The only thing I paused for was to grab my diary. I know I’m going to die. There’s no way out of this. The most I can hope for is for someone to find this diary. They need to know the truth about this place.
I can hear the monsters outside the door, trying to get in. I’m scared. I want my parents. This never would have happened if they hadn’t sent me here. This never would have happe

27th September 2024

Friday

28th September 2024

Saturday

29th September 2024

Sunday

30th September 2024

Monday

1st October 2024

Tuesday

The councilors were right. It was just the wind. And I’m much happier now.

GLOWING REVIEW FOR CONTROVERSIAL ‘SUMMER CAMP’ FOR TROUBLED CHILDREN

Brilliant new methods gain praise in the understanding and treatment of childhood psychopathy.

Happy Times Summer Camp for Troubled Kids, nestled in the mountains and forests of Oregon, has gained a myriad of positive reviews from both parents and government officials after the graduation of the inaugural class.

The summer camp, a subsidiary of the Department of Corrections, is the first of its kind within the United States of America. To the children, it is a summer camp where they can learn new skills and make new friends, but to the councilors and the parents, it is a juvenile detention center for children who have committed crimes deemed too dangerous for them to be sent to a ‘normal’ detention center. 

Run by twins Jesse and Janet McCoy, Happy Times was seen – at its inception – to be a barbaric and controversial experiment on whether it is in fact possible to treat childhood psychopathy. The Department of Corrections came under fire from researchers and parents alike who deemed the camp to be nothing more than a way to get those few children too dangerous to be allowed to roam free away from society, but even the naysayers cannot argue with the results. 

On 31st October 2024, this reporter had the immense pleasure to attend the graduation of the inaugural class of Happy Times. I will admit to having concerns about the mental state of the children present, but I was overjoyed when I was introduced to the most polite and friendly young people I have ever met. It was easy for me to forget that these children were ‘incarcerated’ due to crimes so heinous that they were deemed ‘psychopaths’. The children in question, whose identities are protected by state law, showed no signs of being the killers they’ve been made out as; they simply seemed like normal, happy children.
When asked about their methods, the McCoy twins simply smiled and tapped their noses – clearly, they will not be giving away any of their secrets anytime soon. But this reporter has heard tell of a growing waitlist for the Happy Times Summer Camp, and I can certainly see why.
The McCoy twins, and certainly the Department of Corrections itself, should be praised and commended for the change they have brought about in these children, allowing them to now go free and live long, happy, normal lives as upstanding members of society.

Gideon the Ninth

The Emperor needs Necromancers.
The Ninth Necromancer needs a swordswoman.
Gideon has a sword, some dirty magazines, and no more time for undead nonsense.

Brought up by unfriendly, ossifying nuns, ancient retainers, and countless skeletons, Gideon is ready to abandon a life of servitude and an afterlife as a reanimated corpse. She packs up her sword, her shoes, and her dirty magazines, and prepares to launch her daring escape.

Harrowhark Nonagesimus, Reverend Daughter of the Ninth House and bone witch extraordinaire, has been summoned into action. The Emperor has invited the heirs to each of his loyal Houses to a deadly trial of wits and skill. If Harrowhark succeeds she will become an immortal, all-powerful servant of the Resurrection, but no necromancer can ascend without their cavalier. Without Gideon’s sword, Harrow will fail, and the Ninth House will die.

Of course, some things are better left dead.

*****

This isn’t going to have a happy ending, is it?

I’ve had my copy of ‘Gideon the Ninth’ for years, but I always put off reading it. I’m not entirely sure why. Perhaps I just wasn’t ready for lesbian necromancers exploring a haunted gothic castle in space. Or perhaps I knew that this book (and probably series) would completely break me. Now that I’ve finally read it, I think it might have been the latter.

When we first meet Gideon Nav and Harrowhark Nonagesimus, they hate each other. Gideon is trying to escape from the Ninth House, and Harrow is intent on stopping her. It’s unclear at first why they hate each other, but as readers, we get to see their relationship progress in a beautiful, artful way. For me, this book is the epitome of “enemies to lovers”. The two women go from being willing to kill each other to get what they want, to Harrow telling Gideon: “I am undone without you.” I have to confess that that one line broke me a little. But what broke me even more was the pool scene (I’ll speak about this later).
Gideon is trying to escape, to reach the Cohort and fight on the front lines. Even after reading the book, I’m still not sure what the Cohort is fighting, but that doesn’t matter in relation to the plot and I’m sure that at some point, the rest of the books will delve into this. Gideon is waiting for a shuttle that will take her far away from the Ninth House when she’s accosted by Harrow, who refuses to let her leave. Instead, she dangles Gideon’s freedom in front of her, telling the other woman that if she truly wants to leave, Harrow will let her, as long as Gideon does something for her first.
The Emperor has invited the heirs of the Nine Houses to undertake a series of tasks. The ‘winner’ will be granted immortality and power as one of his Lyctors, but the heirs cannot compete without their cavaliers. For Harrow, this is a problem; her cavalier, Ortus, has fled from the Ninth House, and she has no choice but to turn to Gideon, a skilled swordswoman. She tells Gideon that, if she accompanies Harrow, Gideon can have her freedom. She can go wherever she wants. Do whatever she wants. But Gideon doesn’t trust her. After a lot of thought, however, she sees no choice but to do what Harrow asks.

The two journey across space to the First House, home of the King Undying and the Necrolord Prime. There, they meet the heirs and cavaliers of the other Eight Houses, including Palamedes Sextus and Camilla Hect from the Sixth House, and Coronabeth and Ianthe Tridentarius from the Third House. They’re welcomed by a strange little man known only as Teacher, and the cavaliers are all gifted a key ring, the purpose of which is at first unknown.
For a lot of the first half of the book, Harrowhark is not there. She leaves Gideon to her own devices, and Gideon loves this. The only catch: Gideon cannot talk to anyone. Harrow has ordered her to fake a vow of silence. This, however, does not stop her from making friends… and enemies. The heir of the Seventh House, Dulcinea Septimus, takes a shine to Gideon, while the cavalier of the Third House, Naberius Tern, hates her. At first, I was enjoying the relationships that were being formed between the Houses, but I wasn’t prepared for what was going to happen.

Gideon finds Harrowhark’s body in a facility under the tower of the First House. Of course, Harrowhark isn’t dead; she’s a necromancer, after all. But Gideon slowly learns from her that the trials of the Emperor are more dangerous than any of them originally thought, and things get even more dangerous when Magnus Quinn and his necromancer, Abigail Pent, are found dead within the facility. Here, the book takes on a darker tone, which I really enjoyed. Honestly, after I’d reached this point in the book, I found it very easy to read. The prose that Muir uses is enthralling and simply fantastic, and I found it easy to visualise the characters surrounding the bodies of the Fifth House.

After more murders, secrets, lies and horrible puns from Gideon, Harrow thinks that the time has come to tell Gideon the truth of the Ninth House. I won’t be giving away many spoilers, but I will share one quote that still sits with me, even after finishing the book.

“I am a war crime.”

These are the words Harrowhark says to Gideon in the pool, a scene filled with so much homoeroticism that I found myself genuinely upset that they didn’t kiss here. Without even realising it, the two have apparently fallen in love (that’s my interpretation, at least). They have begun to understand each other more than they ever have, and in the end, this talk in the pool helps them to cast aside their childhood hatred of each other. I found myself rooting for the two of them. I found myself loving the way they spoke to each other, refusing to put up with each other’s nonsense. The relationship between them grows in such a natural way, their hatred not completely disappearing, even at the end of the book.

This is where the plot gets both better and more confusing. Honestly, I still don’t understand some parts of what I read, I just know that I loved it. The ending broke me (but I’m not going to spoil it here).
If I had one issue with this book, it would be the beginning. The first 100 pages or so were really difficult for me to get into. It felt like nothing was happening, and while I understand that this was necessary, I did take a break from reading for a couple of months until I felt ready to try again. Even then, it took me a while to get into it, but I’m very happy that I did get into it. Overall, I give this book a 4.5 star rating (I’ve apparently lost my USB stick so there’s no visual 4.5 star at the bottom by the book cover today).

Overall, I truly enjoyed this book. I cannot wait to read Harrow the Ninth, Nona the Ninth and Alecto the Ninth (even if I have no idea who Alecto is yet). I would highly recommend picking up a copy of this book from your local bookshop or your local library.

Buy it here:

Gay’s the Word

Waterstones

Foyles

Hunted (Part One)

  Jen sighed, her knee bouncing up and down. They’d been stuck for fifteen minutes, the darkness of the tunnel slowly closing in around them. The heat bothered her more than the darkness, though. The tube had always had a reputation for being hot, but she had hoped it wouldn’t be too bad; it was midday on a Wednesday. Most people were already at work, and there were only a handful of people littered around the carriage. She looked around, observing the other commuters; she’d forgotten her book in her rush to leave her flat, and she needed something to do to break the tedium. In the far corner sat a man in a suit. He looked tired, his eyes drooping slightly as he slumped in his seat. Not far from him was an older woman, dressed in bright, colourful clothes, the scarf around her neck looking handmade. Opposite Jen was a young boy in a school uniform. Looking at him, Jen felt the urge to move to another seat. She hadn’t noticed it when the train had been moving, but now that there was silence, she noticed that he was staring at her, and she lowered her eyes, a small blush spreading across her cheeks. Chances are, he was harmless, but she didn’t like being looked at. It made her uncomfortable. She’d rather pretend that he wasn’t there.
  The crackling of the intercom broke the silence of the carriage, and the drivers voice filled the air, full of static.
  ”Sorry about the wait, we’re just waiting here before moving on another tube just up the line to move,” he explained, and Jen sighed heavily. They’d waited for more than enough time for the train in front of them to move, and a heavy pit of worry settled in her stomach. Was she imagining it, or did the driver sound worried? Her knee bounced faster, and she stared out of the window, her eyes unfocused, thinking. If it wasn’t for her old university coursemate, she would have stayed at home today. She had a mountain of research to do, and right now, the only thing she wanted to was bury herself in it. But no. Beth had messaged to meet up, and Jen had agreed; the two had studied together for four years before going their separate ways, and a chance work conference had brought them together again. Jen had been looking forward to seeing her friend again, but at this moment, she just wanted to go home.
  She snapped out of her thoughts as something banged loudly further down the train. She flinched, her old safety mechanism kicking in as she jumped up and rushed to the far side of the carriage, away from the noise. From where she was stood, she could see into the other carriage. The few people inside were looking around, confused expressions on their faces. At the far end of their carriage, something was moving. If she looked closely, Jen could see people from the far carriage, the one at the end of the train, stumbling towards the next one. Her blood turned into ice as she saw blood and soot on their faces as they began to rush into the carriage. The original passengers began to panic, rushing for her carriage, and Jen backed away as far as she could until her back was against the door to the next carriage. Her gaze fell on the snoozing man and the brightly coloured woman. If they stayed where they were, surely they’d get crushed by the throng of people heading their way.
  ”I think you should get away from the door,” she said, hating how her voice quivered with fear, “People are trying to get in. There’s a lot of them.”
The two looked at her, the woman confused, the man scornful. He shook his head and folded his arms.
  ”They’re just people,” he snapped, closing his eyes again, “It’s not like it’s a stampede or anything.”
Jen’s heart sank. She stared at the woman, pleading with her eyes. The woman had more sense than the man. She nodded, gathered her bags and stood from her seat just as the crowd reached the set of doors separating the carriages. There were so many people crowding around them that it was clear they were struggling to open the door, and they began screaming. The colourful woman jumped away from the door at the sound, running swiftly up the train until she was stood next to Jen, her shoulder bag clutched to her chest with shaking hands. The sleeping man opened his eyes for a moment. He peered at the doors and rolled his eyes.
  ”See? They can’t get in, we’re fine.” As frightened as she was, Jen couldn’t help the anger that swelled inside her chest at his words. He seemed unfazed. He didn’t seem to care that the people were hurt and screaming. He simply closed his eyes again. Jen muttered a curse under her breath as the young boy stood to join her and the other woman, huddled by the door to the next carriage.
  ”What do you think happened?” He asked, his voice quiet, and Jen shook her head as she took a deep breath to steady herself.
  ”I don’t know, but it doesn’t look good.”
  ”Should we help them?” the colourful woman asked, “They look like they need some help.” Jen nodded slowly, her brain taking a few moments to process the question, and the two of them slowly made their way back down the carriage, their fear filling the air. The young boy lingered behind them, his face pale. He didn’t seem to mind being left behind; he was clearly scared, and Jen put his age at around thirteen, too young to know how to help in an emergency situation.
  The two women moved slowly, their fear making their legs feel sluggish, as though they were walking through water. The sleeping man opened his eyes and glared at them as they approached. He stood, crossing his arms and standing in front of the doors, blocking their way.
  ”Let us past,” Jen spoke, forcing her voice to sound authoritative, although she felt like a scared little child.
  ”They’re fine,” the man sighed, “This is what’s wrong with this generation. At the first sign of trouble, you all scream and beg for help instead of dealing with it yourself.”
  ”They’re hurt!” Jen snapped, her temper getting the best of her for a moment. The man glared at her.
  ”People get hurt,” he snarled, “That’s the way life is. You get hurt, and you deal with it. Just let them deal with it themselves.”
  ”Wouldn’t you want someone to help you if you were hurt?” The colourful woman asked, her voice surprisingly calm, and the man let out a mocking laugh.
  ”I wouldn’t be screaming and banging on the door like a baby,” he beamed, seemingly proud of himself.
  As he spoke, Jen realised something, and she opened her mouth to speak, but the young boy beat her to it.
  ”But they’re not screaming and banging on the door. Not anymore, anyway.” He frowned, his lower lip quivering as he took a few tentative steps towards them. Jen nodded, and the other two passengers seemed to notice the silence for the first time. The tired man smiled.
  ”Good! They finally realised that acting like children won’t solve anything.” He turned towards the door, only to freeze. Jen and the others peered around him. The people were gone. In fact, it looked like the entire carriage was gone. In its place was only darkness. No. There was something else. Two glowing red lights in the distance.
  ”It’s another train!” The colourful woman yelled, grabbing Jen by the arm and tugging her back towards the other side of the carriage. The tired man followed, his lips tight and his face pale. The young boy had rushed to the end of the carriage first, and was banging on the door leading to the cab and the driver.
  ”Let us in!” He screamed, his voice high and shaky,” There’s another train! Let us in!” Jen joined her own voice to his, and the two others did the same, until finally, finally, the door swung open. They dove into the cab, slamming the door behind them. Jen turned to the driver, out of breath.
  ”Another train is coming,” she whispered, her voice seeming to fail her, “I… Everyone else is gone. The entire carriage has just… disappeared.” The driver gulped, wiping his brow with the sleeve of his jumper. He opened his mouth, then closed it.
  ”I don’t care if you say we need to wait,” the tired man snapped, “Start this fucking train before I beat the shit out of you!”
  ”So much for ‘doing it yourself’,” the colourful woman muttered, and the tired man turned to her, his face red with anger.
  ”THERE’S A FUCKING TRAIN COMING!” He screamed, and the driver jumped up, shoving him away from the woman with enough force to make him stumble into the door.
  ”SHUT UP!” The driver yelled, and silence reigned for a brief few moments. He rubbed his hand over his eyes, exhausted, before returning to his seat, “If I could move, I would, but I can’t.”
  ”Why? What’s wrong?” Jen asked, dreading the answer but knowing that the question needed to be asked. The driver sighed and turned to his passengers, unshed tears shining in his eyes.
  ”I wasn’t exactly truthful about why we stopped,” he explained, his voice cracking, “We were waiting for the train in front to move, but that train was derailed by something. Emergency services are on the scene looking for survivors but… it looks like we’re trapped.”
  The commuters stared at the driver as he began to cry. The tired man opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, apparently deciding against it.
  ”Oh God, we’re gonna die,” the driver moaned, his head resting in his hands. Jen thought for a minute, then shook her head.
“I don’t think we are,” she mused, and the others looked at her. She pushed the uncomfortable feeling aside and looked at the driver.
  ”How fast do the trains travel?” She asked, and the driver lifted his head, looking at her with dead eyes shining with tears.
“They can get to around 60 miles per hour,” he said, and Jen nodded, a small smile spreading across her lips. The others looked at her, waiting for an explanation.
  ”We could see two red lights, about three hundred metres away. If the train was going at 60 miles per hour, it would have hit us by now. It would have hit us by now no matter how fast it was going.”
  The colourful woman let out a relieved sound, half a chuckle and half a sob. The young boy cursed under his breath, a smile on his face, and the tired man smirked.
  ”I knew there was nothing to worry about,” he boasted, standing up tall, “I did tell you that screaming and shouting doesn’t solve anything.”
  ”No,” Jen interjected, “I think we can all agree that everytime you talk, you lower the IQ of everyone around you. From now on, you need to raise your hand before you talk,” the man opened his mouth, but she glared at him and he closed it again, his eyes downcast.
  ”I’m going to take a look,” Jen said, emboldened, her courage and confidence returning little by little. In one quick step, she was at the door, and she put her hand on the handle, taking a second to prepare herself. She hoped and prayed that she was right and there would be no train there.
  She pushed the door open, and a wave of relief crashed through her when she saw that the red lights had disappeared. Slowly, she put one foot in front of the other until she was out of the cab and back in the carriage. She looked around, squinting in the low light; most of the lights had gone out at some point, and the darkness covered almost every surface. Everything seemed… normal. Well, as normal as it could after the other carriage and the people in it had disappeared. There were no lights, there were no more strange bangs, and more importantly, there didn’t seem to be any danger.
  A woman screamed, and Jen froze for a moment before turning on her heel and running back to the cab. She pulled the door open and skidded to a halt inside. In front of her, through the large window at the front of the train, were two bright, glowing red lights. As she watched, they went out for a second, but only a second. They burned bright. The colourful woman let out a choked sob.
“I don’t think that’s a train.”

Youngblood

*****

High school sucks. Especially for the undead.

When Kat Finn arrives at Harcote, she’s in uncharted territory. She is suddenly thrust into the alluring world of elite vampires – and her fortune is about to change.

Taylor Sanger is tired of the vampire world’s out-of-touch views, especially as an out-and-proud lesbian. She’s willing to fly under the radar for two more years at Harcote, but Kat’s arrival changes everything.

Kat and Taylor were once best friends. It didn’t end well.

A horrifying discovery means they have to set their differences aside and investigate the deep secrets at Harcote and the conspiracy underpinning all of Vampiredom.

As they investigate, will their old friendship be rekindled into something more?

*****

  I’ve always had a soft spot for vampire fiction. I fell in love with the concept when I first watched the Carmilla webseries on Youtube as a teenager (I highly recommend this). My love of vampires is why I picked this book up, and unfortunately, I regretted it. I should have looked at the reviews before I bought it, because I feel like I wasted money on a book I heavily disliked.

 Kat Finn is a vampire. This is pretty much the first thing we learn about her. She lives separately to vampires except for her mother. Their finances are strained, which makes feeding difficult for them. The reader soon learns that a horrible disease, CFaD has broken out within humanity and will kill any vampire that drinks from an infected human in a matter of minutes. The enigmatic Victor Castel – founder of CasTech – has developed a blood substitute called hema, which means that vampires can survive without the threat of drinking infected blood.
  Kat has dreamed about attending Harcote, a boarding school for the elite vampire youngbloods – vampires who were born after the CFaD outbreak rather than turned. When Kat receives her acceptance email, she is overjoyed, and she is also shocked when she learns that an anonymous benefactor has funded the two years she’ll spend at Harcote.
  She soon arrives and integrates herself into the culture of Harcote, making new friends and meeting old friends. Her ex-best friend, Taylor, is also attending Harcote, and the two end up sharing a room. Slowly, they begin to repair their broken relationship, but a death, a conspiracy, and the mysterious Victor Castel seem hellbent on getting in their way.

  ‘Youngblood’ is 405 pages long (my copy is, at least), and I don’t think it should have been that long. The first 250 pages follows life at the Harcote boarding school and, while the reader gets hints at the main plot during this, the plot doesn’t actually seem to begin until over the halfway mark when a secondary character’s body is found by Taylor. This still does nothing to fully begin the plot. Instead, we spend (in my opinion) far too long learning about the relationship between Kat, and Galen, her boyfriend. I am not against reading books which feature straight people or straight couples, but when a book claims to be sapphic, I have no desire to read about men. Their relationship – to me – was unnecessary, and seems only to have been included to try and make the reader wonder who Kat will choose by the end of the book (it was obviously going to be Taylor).

  The pacing problems continue throughout the book, with the plot reaching a head and concluding within the space of maybe 20, 25 pages. For a book of this length, it felt as though it was rushed. We find out with only about forty pages left that CFaD was created in a lab by Victor Castel in an effort to force vampires to live together in Vampiredom and rely on him to feed – he did, after all, create the blood substitute vampires use to sustain themselves. From here on out, things happen quickly, but the plot seems half fleshed out. Kat manages to manipulate Victor into admitting everything and records it on her phone, although the reader learnt only a couple of chapters ago that Victor has been a master manipulator since before Kat was born. How is it possible that this intelligent man could be tricked so easily by a teenager? Things only get worse when Kat and Taylor play his confession to an auditorium filled with vampires who have been directly affected by Castel’s actions. Despite the 400 pages of build up, we never actually get to know what happens to him. The last time we see him, he has his hands pinned behind his back and an army of angry vampires surrounding him, but we don’t see what happens to him. Do they kill him? Do they put him on trial? We don’t know. We don’t even get an explanation from Kat in the last chapter. His fate is an unsatisfying mystery.

  The characters are deeply unlikeable, and I doubt I will be reading anything else from this author. She insists on making Kat – a white, straight(ish) girl – the only person who cares about the lack of diversity at the school, and the only one who cares when Taylor’s identity as the only queer student at Harcote is used as an insult. Both of these things could have easily been left out of the book and not changed anything about the plot or the characters. One of the teachers at the school tells Taylor: “I have lived ten times the years you have. Do you really think I cannot comprehend homosexuality?” My only question is this. If that’s the case, then why is queerphobia such a big part of this book? If the vampires are well aware of the existence of homosexuality, then why is this not shown anywhere in the book? Even Kat – who calls herself the Token Ally – freaks out when she first starts to question her sexuality. There is so much queerphobia and bigotry that it made me feel sick.

  The worst part is when Kat and Galen are researching CasTech in the school’s underground library. Galen, who is half-Indian, tells Kat how his parents met. His mother is from a Gujarati merchant family, and his father was ‘involved’ in the East India Company. When Kat brings up the colonization of India (which was very white savior of her), Galen says that his parents relationship isn’t as “messed up as it sounds”. He explains that his father didn’t kidnap his mother, and that his father pursued her for years until she agreed to marry him (which is horrific behavior).
  This whole paragraph made me (a white person) deeply uncomfortable, and I have read many reviews of South Asian readers saying the same. It was not necessary to the story, and Galen being biracial is never mentioned again. It should not have been put into the book. The author tries to romanticize the colonization of India, and this is not OK. What Britain and the East India Company did to the country and people of India was nothing short of abhorrent, and it should not be spoken of in this way. If you’re going to put POC characters into your books, at least do them the courtesy of speaking the truth and not romanticize the horrors their countries and cultures have been subjected to.

  I could go on and on about how much I disliked this book, but this review already feels too long (it’s also enraging me that this was even written or published). To cut it short, I do not recommend this book. There is so much vampire literature out there, and I will do my best to find the books with actual good representation, instead of whatever the hell this book was.

Little Brother

  When my parents brought Toby home from the hospital, I didn’t think much of him. How could I? He was red-faced and screaming most of the time. I was sixteen then, far too old to bother with him too much. Maybe when he grew up we could be friends, but to begin with, he was just an inconvenience.
  I hated my parents for having another baby. I thought they’d waited too long; sixteen years between kids was a long time. How did they expect me to have any sort of reaction to him that wasn’t disgust? We’d certainly never have anything in common. Besides, they both had full time jobs as scientists at some organization. How did they expect to juggle their careers, a teenager and a baby?
  I didn’t want anything to do with him. I avoided him as much as I could, but sometimes, it was unavoidable. Sometimes my parents would force me to babysit. It wasn’t so bad, though. Normally, I’d just put him down for a nap and play video games until my parents came home from wherever they’d gone.
  Sometimes, though, I was forced to fulfill my brotherly duties. Whether it was feeding him, changing his diaper, or just comforting him as he cried. These were the times I hated the most, and I soon learned that I didn’t have a paternal bone in my body. I hated it so much that I vowed that I would never have kids, then I immediately felt guilty; it wasn’t Toby’s fault I hated him. Maybe it was just my own issues with no longer being an only child. I never told anyone how I felt about him – my friends wouldn’t understand, and my parents would get mad at me, so I kept it all in, silently going about my life as if I didn’t resent him.

  My dad had a heart attack about a year after Toby was born. It wasn’t too serious, just a small one. He didn’t want to go, but my mom had forced him into the car and raced to the hospital anyway. Which left me looking after Toby. Again. I gave him some food then put him down for a nap. All I wanted to do was play video games with my friend. I was just about to level up my half-orc character, and between schoolwork and my job at the local coffee shop, I hadn’t had a chance until now.
  As soon as I booted up my PC, the baby monitor next to me began to scream. I remember groaning, wishing I’d left it in Toby’s room, but I stood up and grabbed it anyway. My mom had enough to deal with without coming home to a screaming baby. I went into Toby’s room and looked at him in his crib.
  What the fuck? When I’d put him to sleep, he’d been clean, but now, he was covered in a strange black goo. It coated his skin and the blanket I’d laid underneath him. I didn’t know what it was, but it seemed to coming from him. It poured out of his nose and his mouth as he wailed, and I felt the familiar pang of revulsion in the pit of my stomach as I backed out of the room. Was this normal? I pulled out my phone as I headed to the bathroom, but a quick Google search told me nothing. There were no posts on Reddit or any baby blogs about this. Maybe something was wrong with him. I briefly considered taking him to the hospital, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that my mom would blame me for whatever was happening to him.
  I jammed my phone back in my pocket and sighed as I began filling the bath. I’d never actually bathed Toby before, but how hard could it be? Fill the bath just enough, but not enough to risk him drowning, add a little soap to create bubbles for him, dump some toys in for him. Simple, right?
  I went and grabbed him, stripping him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop the goo from getting on me, and even though I do feel bad about this now, I did swear at him a few times as I tried to wrestle him out his clothes. Finally, I managed to undress him and put him in the bath, keeping one hand on his back to stop him from falling deeper into the water. He immediately stopped crying, and he looked at me. His eyes bored into mine. The hair on my arms stood on end.
  Here’s the thing: sometimes, I think I see things. I don’t actually see things. It’s just… do you ever get that feeling that you’ve forgotten something? That’s what happened then. I could see with my eyes that Tony was naked in the water, but my brain told me that I was wrong. I must have missed a layer of clothes I hadn’t noticed yet. Why else would there be a zipper running along his back?
  I could feel it as clearly as I could feel the warmth of the water against my other hand. It was definitely there. Confusion swept through me, and I tilted Toby forward slightly, trying to see if I was feeling things, but sure enough, there on his back, was a long zipper. Gleaming metal winked at me, and it took every bit of my strength not to pull my hand away in disgust. I could see now that it wasn’t an extra layer of clothes I just wasn’t seeing. It was actually sewn into his skin. I could see the way the metal pulled at the skin of his back, pulling it taut and making him look almost like one of those bears you get with the voice inside. It was then that a thought struck me: when he was born, my parents had taken him to work with them. They’d told me that it was to show him off to their coworkers, and I hadn’t bothered to care too much; I was way behind on homework at the time. But when they’d brought him back, he’d been screaming more than normal, and I kept finding bloody clothes in the trash. Eventually, it had stopped, so I didn’t think about it again.
  As I felt along the zipper, a horrible feeling overtook me, and I felt myself reaching underneath my own shirt, feeling along my back. Did I have a zipper too? I felt around, morbidly eager, but I could only feel skin, smooth and unmarred.
  Did my parents do something to him? I didn’t exactly know what they did for work, but I knew that they were both experimental scientists. I never asked what experiments they performed, but now, I wish I’d taken more of an interest.
  Toby was still staring at me. Now that I think of it, I don’t think he blinked even once the entire time. A shiver ran up my spine, and something seemed to call to me. I was sure I heard a voice in my head, telling me to pull down the zipper and look inside. On one hand, I wanted nothing more than to run, to sprint out of the house and never look back. But on the other hand, I wanted to listen to the voice. I wanted to open the zipper and see what exactly was inside my brother. I don’t know why, but I was sure that I’d find wires and metal mechanisms. Maybe I’d watched too many movies, but I couldn’t stop my brain from coming up with theories that Toby was a robot. The black goo could easily be oil, leaking out of him due to some kind of malfunction.
  The next thing I did was by far the most stupid thing I’d ever done in my life. I grabbed the slider. I pulled. The teeth of the zipper made the same noise they did on a pair of jeans, and a horrid stench filled the bathroom. I reeled back, gagging. It definitely didn’t smell like oil. It smelled like rot, like something had died deep within him and had been decomposing for the past year. My stomach roiled and my eyes stung. My foot hit the toilet, and I fell backward, closing my eyes against the smell.
  I don’t honestly know how long I stayed like that. I kept my eyes closed. I didn’t want to look at Toby anymore. Hopefully, Mom would be home soon, and she’d deal with whatever he was.
  Eventually, the smell subsided a bit, and I dared to open my eyes. The first thing I noticed was that the bathroom was darker. Sunlight was still shining through the window, so it wasn’t evening yet. I glanced up at the light and screamed.
  Toby wasn’t in the bathtub anymore. Instead, he was dangling from the light fixture, dangling on two long, spindly legs like a spider. Six more legs jutted out from his back, and I regretted opening his zipper. I tried to shuffle backward, but my back was already against the wall. The door was on the other side of the room. There was nowhere else I could go.
  Toby was still staring at me. The goo had started pouring out of his eyes now, dripping to the floor like dark tears, and I couldn’t look away. He looked more like a monster than anything I’d seen in any of my video games, and fear gripped me. I couldn’t move. My breath came shallow, the smell pouring into my nose and mouth, threatening to choke me. Toby shifted, and I flinched, my instincts finally kicking in.
  I scrambled to my feet and sprinted toward the door, praying that it wouldn’t stick like it normally did. My hand gripped the handle, and then I felt something grab my waist. I looked down and screamed again. One of Toby’s legs was wrapped around my waist, gripping tightly, and I felt myself be pulled backwards. My feet left the floor, and the screams kept coming. My baby brother pulled me closer, then turned. I was facing the hole in his back, the zipper still gleaming at me in the low sunlight, and I reached my hands out. My hands gripped the baby hanging from the light and pushed, trying to get away from him, but the leg around my waist tightened painfully, and I cried out. My hands slipped from his body, covered now in the goo still pouring from him, and then everything went dark.

  I know where I am now. I can hear everything Toby can hear. I could hear my parents scream when they got home from the hospital and met the same fate as me. They’re here too. Toby got them just like he got me. We can’t move. We can’t talk. We can’t see anything; it’s too dark here. But we can listen. So far, Toby has taken three foster families. Nobody has thought that he’s the culprit. They always assume that there’s a kidnapper on the loose, taking the parents and older children but leaving the baby. They don’t know we’re right there in the room with them. There are about ten of us now. Stuck here, inside my little brother.
  As I hear the screams of his latest family as his zipper opens, I can’t help but think again: I wish my parents had never had him.

Witches of Ash and Ruin

I will admit, it’s been a while since I read E. Latimer’s ‘Witches of Ash and Ruin’. It sits on my bookcase, taunting me. I have read it so many times, and I still find myself wanting to read it again, and again, and again. Scenes from the story invade my mind at least once a week, and I think I’m definitely due for a reread.

Set in a small town in Ireland, we follow the protagonist, Dayna, as she struggles with her OCD, and recently being outed as bisexual, which is doubly uncomfortable due to the fact that her father is the reverend of the local church. Another thing: She’s a witch. Dayna and her coven have enough on their plate to deal with even before the arrival of another coven, who warns them of a killer on the loose and dire consequences for them all.

The arrival of the new coven, which includes Meiner, Cora, and Grandma King, coincides with the reappearance of the Butcher of Manchester – a serial killer who is prolific all over the United Kingdom, and it soon becomes apparent to the characters that this serial killer knows about witchcraft. His victims are all witches, and the two covens find themselves struggling to find his identity and put a stop to his spree. But how will they react when they realise that the serial killer is actually a team – three brothers who want nothing more than to destroy the witches and bring about a terrible evil.

The romantic subplot of the book focuses on Dayna and Meiner. Despite the fact that they come from two separate covens – and their initial dislike of each other – they soon find themselves growing closer, even with the murders and the discord within their covens. Their obvious attraction to each other is sullied by Cora, the only other girl in Meiner’s coven of three, and the reader quickly learns that the two had a brief, doomed relationship before being torn apart by Meiner’s grandmother, the leader of the coven. The two are still forced into a close proximity, and we learn that Meiner hates this, while Cora will seemingly do anything to get Meiner back. This adds another level of struggle to the story, and I often found myself joyfully rolling my eyes at Cora’s antics and Meiner and Dayna’s apparent inability to make a move.

If I’m being honest, the familial relationships in ‘Witches of Ash and Ruin’ was probably one of my favourite parts. On the one hand, we have Dayna’s strict, religious father, who would send Dayna away to the formidable Camp Blood of the Lamb if he knew anything about her, just as he’d sent her mother, Fiona, years before. The thought of being sent away scares Dayna, and causes her to keep her secret, witchy life from him.
On the other hand, however, we have Dayna’s coven, the Callighans. These witches have taken Dayna under their wing, cherishing her and loving her in a way that quickly cements their place as Dayna’s found family. It is immediately clear that the women will do anything for each other, and I loved the relationships between them.

Meiner, however, has had a far darker upbringing than Dayna. Her grandmother, the dangerous leader of the coven, has a past of using dark magic and abuse to control her witchlings. Meiner wants nothing more than to get away from her, and sees an opportunity to do so fairly quickly in the book. She hates her grandmother and the way she was raised. My heart went out to Meiner, and I was glad that, at the end of the book, she joins Dayna’s coven and seems to thrive away from the questionable practices of her grandmother.

The book focuses a lot on Celtic mythology, with the names of Gods and Goddesses littered throughout, and I found this very enjoyable. I didn’t know much about Celtic mythology before reading ‘Witches of Ash and Ruin’, but it inspired me to read more about it. The roles of the Gods are easy to understand, although the pronunciations tripped me up a bit (I still need to work on this). The Gods, although they don’t appear in the book, play a pivotal role, but I won’t go too deep into it here.
The closest we do get to meeting a God is during some of Cora’s chapters. With Meiner refusing to step up and allow her grandmother to groom her to take over the coven, Cora fills the space, taking private lessons from the old woman. But she soon realises that she didn’t know what she was getting herself into. The dark goddess Caorthannach – the Mother of demons – shows herself to Cora, imploring her to do her will, and Cora is powerless to refuse. These chapters kept me reading, eagerly wanting to see what happened, and I was shocked when I reached the end and realised how this was going to end.

The climax of the book – which I won’t spoil – kept me reading late into the night the first time I read it. I forgot everything else I had to do, and I refused to stop reading. While the serial killer subplot and the witch subplot had always been entwined, this is where they become fully immersed, both storylines coming together to culminate in a climax I could easily see in my mind. I found myself scared for the characters, and I am not ashamed to say that at parts, I teared up as the witches battle the serial killers. The prose E. Latimer uses is gripping, thrilling, and brings life to the story.

I have loved this book since I found it. I even bought a copy for my best friend and annotated it for her (she also loved it, and has even messaged the author to beg for a sequel). The story flows expertly, the characters are lovable, and the premise is intriguing. I honestly think that this is one of my favourite books of all time, and I cannot wait to see what E. Latimer does next.

Buy it here!

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No Good Deed

The cemetery was quiet, as it often was. Not many people traveled to this part of the lot; most of the graves were of people who died decades ago, and they had been forgotten, left to rot and decay without so much as a thought of sympathy from the living. Well, almost. There were still a few do-gooders that came to this part of the cemetery every few months. They reinvigorated the graves of the forgotten and gave them new life; they saw it as a way to remember the dead who had long been ignored. They had an online forum they spoke on, planning their excursions so that they could get to as many cemeteries as possible, organizing themselves meticulously. For a lot of them, it was a way to mourn long lost family that didn’t have a grave, and they spent far more time than was necessary at the graves. They would clean the rough stones, getting rid of the weeds snaking up from the ground.
At least, that’s what Christopher Neal did. He found it peaceful to just sit by a grave and work for a few hours. Often, he would talk to the graves; he liked the thought of talking to the dead, letting them know that they were still remembered.
His graying hair moved in the breeze as he looked around the cemetery, his eyes still filled with childlike wonder as he surveyed his workspace. This particular cemetery was one of his favorites to work at, and he knew his way around as if it was his own home. He knew exactly where to turn as he cut through a small, natural path, the ground worn down from years of use. The ground was uneven, but he was steady on his feet, even in his old age, as he got closer to the grave he would be cleaning today.
The grave was too worn for him to make out the name inscribed on it, and the thought saddened him. He was getting older, in his sixties now, and he was terrified of being forgotten. That was part of the reason he’d joined the forum; it gave him comfort to know that, someday, when he was dead and buried, someone would return the favor and sit with him in his grave.
As he neared the grave he’d been assigned by the admins of the forum, he slowed, a sense of unease twisting in his gut. He felt like he was being watched. He could feel eyes watching him, and he didn’t like it. Looking around, he saw nobody. It was just him and the remains of the dead. He decided to brush the feeling off and continued on his journey. The feeling, though he tried to ignore it, would not stop gnawing at him, and that was why he didn’t notice the open grave. As he turned to look behind him, he felt the earth give out beneath him, and suddenly he was falling. He screamed as he fell, landing with a thud on the freshly dug dirt. He groaned as pain lanced through his shoulder, and he struggled to sit up. His first instinct was to look up, through the hole he’d fallen through. He could see the blue sky above him, framed by the high walls of the hole.
“Shit,” he muttered, putting his hands on the ground behind him to try and stand up. He froze as something moved beneath his hand. Peering down, he screamed as he saw what he was surrounded by.
Snakes. They were all over the ground, twisting to get away from him. He recognized a few species from specials he’d seen on the Discovery Channel – Boa Constrictor, Eastern Brown Snake, and before it dipped into the dirt just beyond his feet, he swore he saw a Black Mamba. None of that was important, though. Not when he saw the body. A mere foot away sat a man, his back turned to Christopher as he sat, his head pressed against the dirt wall of the grave. His clothes were dirty, and it was clear that he was dead. The skin that Christopher could see was covered in bites, and while Christopher didn’t know much about snakes, he knew that some of the species in the pit were venomous.
His blood ran cold as he remembered the Black Mamba he thought he’d seen. I have to get out of here, he thought, finally scrambling to his feet and trying his hardest to avoid the snakes littering the bottom of the pit. He looked upwards, towards the top of the hole, the sight of the clear sky above him filling him with hope. He estimated that the pit was nine feet deep, and he couldn’t help the surge of panic that swelled in his chest as he realized that there was no way he’d be able to scale the walls of the pit without something to help him. He was getting old, and his mobility was slowly getting worse.
He looked around and spotted a thick root growing from the tree not far away from the pit. It jutted out of the side of the pit slightly, and if he stretched a bit, he thought he may be able to reach it. With a great amount of care, he made his way over to the root, taking care not to step on any of the snakes gliding along the dirt. Raising his hand up, he froze as he noticed the figure standing over the pit. Dressed all in black, with a mask covering their face, the figure shifted slightly, and Christopher noticed the large bucket they were holding. He couldn’t see inside, but it filled him with a feeling of dread. His fear of the snakes, however, was stronger than the feeling in his gut.
“Help me,” he begged, “Please, I need to get out of here.” The figure stayed silent, staring at him, unseen eyes boring into him. “Help me!” Christopher wailed, his panic beginning to rise. The figure ignored him still. They moved the bucket from their left hand to their right, using their free hand to upturn it.
Christopher screamed as he saw the snakes raining down on him. He backed up, not caring what he stepped on this time. He only stopped when his feet hit the body of the man, and he went careening over, falling into the wall and sliding along it until he hit the ground. He landed with a thud on his back, just in time to see the figure drop the bucket on the ground and slowly walk away. Christopher tried to stand, but his fall had startled the snakes, and they did not appreciate the sudden movements he’d made.
The snakes came at him from all directions, curling around his arms and legs, and he did his best to try and fend them off. There were too many. Pain erupted all over his body as they bit him, their sharp fangs piercing his skin. As he lay on his back, staring up to the sky, he thought it ironic that he would die here, already surrounded by the dead. He only hoped that someone would remember him.

Iron Widow

I would like to preface this review by saying only this: I should have waited to read this book until the sequel, “Heavenly Tyrant” was out. I finished it and immediately longed for more.

Xiran Jay Zhao’s (they/them) debut novel exceeded all of my expectations. The world building was fantastic, the characters were flawed but still likeable, and I loved the story more than I thought I would. I tore through the book in three days, and I desperately wish I’d managed to read it in one sitting. “Iron Widow” is a book that I didn’t want to put down, and I stayed up late to finish it. The mix of fantasy, sci-fi and Chinese mythology made the book one that I couldn’t bring myself to put down.

Set against the backdrop of a medieval China, humanity must battle the bug-like alien Hunduns who threaten the humans way of life and safety. Using husks of dead Hunduns, the humans create Chrysalises, giant, formidable beings made of spirit metal. The Chrysalises must have two pilots – a boy and a girl. The pair join their qi (the vital life force of any living being) to battle the invaders. The male pilots are turned into celebrities by the dystopian public, while the girls are mere sacrifices for the boys, rarely surviving the battles they face unless them and their male counterpart are a Balanced Match.

That is, until Wu Zetian, a young girl who wants nothing more than to avenge the death of her sister at the hands at one of the government’s star pilots, Yang Guang. When inside the Chrysalis in her first battle with him, she unintentionally kills him, becoming the titular Iron Widow.

As punishment for the murder of their star pilot, Wu Zetian is forced to work with Li Shimin, a fellow murderer and the man who holds the highest spirit pressure in over 200 years. The two must learn to work together to pilot their Chrysalis, the Vermilion Bird, to secure victory for humanity. They face many challenges – pilots who hate them both for their murders, a corrupt government, and the appearance of Gao Yizhi, Wu Zetian’s ‘friend’.

In so many YA novels, the main romance turns out to be a love triangle in which the female main character must choose between two boys, each with their own flaws and merits. Xiran Jay Zhao ignores this completely, choosing to incorporate polyamory into the novel in an expert way. Wu Zetian finds herself in love with both Li Shimin and Gao Yizhi, but doesn’t choose between them, instead choosing both of them. The men’s bisexuality helps with this, and I loved the line where they first kiss and Wu Zetian is wondering if “this is finally happening”. If I had one complaint, it would be that the romance between the three needs to be developed a tiny bit more (but I guess I’ll have to wait until “Heavenly Tyrant” for this).

“Iron Widow” is the epitome of ‘female rage’. Wu Zetian’s hatred of the patriarchal society she is forced to live in makes the story seem to come alive, and the feminism in the novel was immaculate. I found myself relating to Wu Zetian, and found myself almost cheering when she finally broke, letting all of her rage out freely.

The plot twist at the end of the book had me staring at the ceiling long after I’d finished reading. After the final battle, Gao Yizhi finds documents which tell him that the Hunduns aren’t the invaders. Humanity is. As this is revealed, Wu Zetian is faced with a choice from the Heavenly Court: keep the truth to herself and do the bidding of the gods, or die.

I cannot wait for “Heavenly Tyrant” to be published. I truly loved this book. Everything about it spoke to me in a way I wasn’t expecting, and I highly, highly recommend picking up a copy if you have a chance.

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Another Love

The rain was coming down heavier now. Soon, the streets would start to flood. Kirsten didn’t even notice the rain slashing across her face like small, sharp knives. Her hand tightened its grip of her sword. Sebastian smirked at her, his sword slick with blood as the body crumpled at his feet, the ragged breaths audible even over the rush of the rain. The smirk still on his face, Sebastian raised his sword, wiping the blade clean with a rag. Kirsten didn’t know where he’d gotten the rag from, but she didn’t care. She couldn’t care less about him. Her attention was focused on the blood-spattered girl at his feet. Slowly, she stepped forward. She knelt slowly, falling to the ground, the sword falling from her grasp. With a shaking hand, she reached out and touched the dying girl’s face gently, wiping the rain away. Laurel’s eyes flickered, peering at Kirsten through rain-soaked eyelashes.
“Are you OK?” She croaked, her voice gravelly and quiet. A trickle of crimson blood escaped from the corner of her lip, and Kirsten wiped it away, her eyes stinging as she stared at the wound.
“That doesn’t matter,” she whispered, grasping Laurel’s hand in her own, soothing her hair with her other hand, “Why did you do that?” she asked, her voice cracking as her tears began to fall. Laurel let out a weak chuckle that turned into a cough.
“Someone’s got to look after you, darling,” she muttered, the ghost of a smile on her lips. Kirsten bowed her head, the tears falling freely from her eyes as she heard Laurel’s breath begin to get shallow. “I’m not going to live, am I?” Laurel asked, and Kirsten tried to compose herself, nodding.
“You will, my love,” she forced herself to smile, “It’s not that bad. We’ll get you help, and you’ll be alright.”
“Don’t lie to me,” Laurel whispered, her voice growing weaker, “Make me a promise.” Kirsten shook her head, her grasp on the brunette’s hand tightening. Laurel nodded slowly, hissing slightly at the pain from her bleeding wound. “Promise me… you… you won’t do anything stupid.” Her eyes slid closed, and Kirsten let out a choked sob. She nodded, not wanting to cause Laurel anymore hurt.
“I promise,” she whispered, leaning forward and brushing a kiss along the dying girl’s temple softly. Laurel’s eyes fluttered open one last time, hooded and tired from the effort.
“I’ll see you up there,” she whispered, and Kirsten nodded, barely able to see through her tears.
“I’ll see you up there,” she replied, her eyes not leaving Laurel’s face as the life slipped from it. A minute of silence passed. Laurel’s hand fell from Kirsten’s. Kirsten drew in a shaky breath, then raised her head to the heavens. A guttural, anguished scream tore its way from her throat, filling the air around them with her heartbreak. She bowed her head and sobbed. She’d almost forgotten about Sebastian until he spoke.
“You mortals are almost too easy to kill,” he said nonchalantly, cockiness in his voice, and she could tell he was pleased with himself. As quick as it had come, her pain disappeared, replaced instead with an anger so strong she was scared of what she would do if she let it out. Slowly, she raised her head to look at her enemy. Their eyes met, and he took a step back, the smirk on his face falling and fear in his eyes. Almost instinctively, he raised his sword as Kirsten stood, grasping her sword from where she had dropped it. For each step she took towards him, he took one back, and Kirsten found herself enjoying his fear.
Rage and hatred flooded through her body, and she raised her sword, a wordless cry escaping from her lips as she swung. He parried easily, but as the blows kept coming, he lost his balance, teetering on the heels of his feet before he fell to the ground. Bringing her sword down, Kirsten reveled in the howl of pain as she felt her blade sink into the soft skin of his shoulder, just underneath his collarbone.
“Please…” he yelled, “Mercy!” She paused, taking in the sight. This was the man who had relentlessly hunted and attacked her for years. He had killed many of her friends, and now he had killed the woman she loved.
“Mercy?” She whispered, “Did you show Darron mercy? Elias? Ruth? Did you show Laurel mercy before you murdered her?” She beckoned at the corpse of her love as she spoke, her voice growing stronger with each word until she was screaming, her anger reaching its peak. “You will get no mercy from me, Sebastian.” The man choked out something halfway between a sob and a laugh.
“You cannot kill me,” he hissed, clutching at her blade with his hand, “I cannot be killed by anyone!” Kirsten shook her head, resting her hands on the pummel of her sword, and Sebastian let out another yelp as the blade cut deeper into him.
“Don’t tell me what I can do,” she hissed, her voice full of malice and loathing. She closed her eyes, focusing on the sword embedded in her enemy. The familiar vibrations began to flood through her, and her eyes opened, fixing his with a glare. Her normally green eyes had been replaced by fiery amber, and Sebastian seemed to recoil at the sight.
Her mouth opened, and a single word left her lips, spoken in Scots Gaelic, “Teine.” Sparks shot from her fingertips, travelling down the grip of the sword onto the blade. Sebastian screamed when the sparks turned into flames, licking at his skin. His screams carried in the wind, and Kirsten found herself thankful that they were in the middle of nowhere; there was nobody to find them, nobody to hear him die, nobody to stop her. She let go of the sword as Sebastian began to burn, his screams still piercing the cool night air.
She watched for only a moment before turning away, her anger extinguished almost as quickly as it had erupted. She made her way back to Laurel, whose eyes were staring at the stars above them, unseeing. Kirsten fell to her knees, wrapping the girl in her arms.
“You always did love the stars.” she choked out, her tears falling once more. She bowed her head and tightened her grip on the woman she loved, scared of letting go, of admitting that Laurel was really gone.
When dawn broke, that is how her friends found her, cradling Laurel’s body in her arms while Sebastian’s body burnt behind them.

Experience

Alina let out a breath as she skidded to a stop, her arm reaching up to grab her sword from the scabbard on her back. The hiss of metal against leather was familiar now. It reminded her of the fights she’d had to go through to get here. It reminded her of the friends she’d lost. It reminded her of everyone who had left.
She hadn’t meant to push them away. She’d been so wrapped up in her fate and her struggles that she hadn’t even stopped to think of asking for help. By the time she realised she needed her friends, they were already gone. They’d given up trying to get her to see she needed them, and now she was alone.
She gripped her sword tightly, her other hand on the dagger at her hip. She looked across the field to the army in front of her. At the front, in the vanguard, stood Chesca, her eyes trained on Alina, the hint of a smirk on her lips. The sight of Chesca used to make the hair on Alina’s arms stand on end, but they had battled enough now that Alina was no longer scared. She was just… tired. She wanted to be done with all of this. She wanted her friends back. She wanted her life back. And she wanted the chance to grow old with Tamzin without the fear of someone hunting them.
“On your own, Alina?” Chesca called coyly, her smirk growing as she held her arms out to her sides, “You expect to defeat us?” Alina sucked in a breath, her fingers tightening around the sword at her side. She gave a small nod, her face blank with steely determination as she adjusted her stance. Chesca rolled her eyes, almost seeming bored, and raised her arm. Her army rippled around her, waiting for her command. They were restless, it seemed. Alina recognised a few of them. Not by name, but by faces. She remembered their faces smiling down at her while they killed her friends. Rage began to build in her chest, and a muscle in her jaw twitched as she prepared for the onslaught.
She knew there was no way she could win. Not on her own. But if she could somehow get close to Chesca, she hoped she could get rid of her enemy once and for all. One quick blow and she could die happily, knowing that she had defeated her foe.
A movement caught her eye, and Alina turned her head slightly, her eyes straining in the waning sunlight. On the outskirts of the army, where the field gave way to forest, there was someone hiding in a tree. It almost looked like… Malthus. Alina sucked in a breath as his eyes caught hers. He bowed his head, and she bowed hers, thankful that, even as she prepared for death, she had one friend with her. Slowly, more movement stirred, unseen by the enemy army. It surrounded them on all sides, and Alina felt herself choke on unshed tears as she saw her friends. Damon, Rina, Clerk, Mage, Tamzin. The tears fell as she saw her friends and the woman she loved. They were here. They had come back. She bowed her head to hide her tears, and once she had calmed herself, she raised it, meeting Chesca’s eyes with a hopeful stare. If Chesca knew Alina was crying, she didn’t mention it. Instead, she brought her arm down, and the army let out a roar, almost as if it was one large creature. They charged, running towards Alina. She drew her sword up and unsheathed her dagger, determined to cut through as many of them as she possibly could. Her feet began to move, faster and faster, until she was running towards the army, a lone warrior against a massive horde. They met in the middle of the field, and Alina gave a wordless yell as she began to attack, feeling the blade of her sword sink into the flesh of the closest enemy even as her dagger embedded itself into the eye of another. Ripping her weapons away from the dead, she continued on, slashing at everything that moved. It was easier than she thought it would be, and it was only when she heard the sound of arrows above her that she realised that she wasn’t alone in fighting.
The army was drawn in all directions as the attacks came from the sides. Turning to where she’d seen Malthus in the tree, she saw the army of Kraznok leap from the treeline, racing towards the field, and when she turned to the other side, she saw Tamzin leading the Ghamchain into the battle. Her heart soared even as she cut down another enemy, thankful that she had not been so stubborn that her friends had forsaken her completely. A slurry of screams sounded from the back of the enemy army, and she could only assume that Mage had managed to persuade the Treplan army to join the cause. She ducked under the swing of an axe, slicing at a nearby foe as she tried to find Chesca in the horde. Chesca was hers to kill, and she intended to let the woman meet the friends she had ordered killed. On she fought, ducking and killing her way through the onslaught. Chesca’s army had seemed big, but now that there were three armies against one, it didn’t seem that large. A pile of bodies was beginning to grow, and as Alina watched more and more vanquished foes join the pile, she saw Chesca climb to the top, spear in hand, her flaming red hair making her stand out. Alina began to run faster, her legs screaming with effort.
She let out a yell as she felt sharp pain sprout in her right shoulder as she was thrown to the ground. Before she could tell what was happening, a man was on top of her, slashing at her with a curved dagger she quickly recognised. She raised her hand and gripped his wrist, putting all of her strength into keeping the dagger raised. She knew the man, she realised. He had been the one who had snapped Halda’s neck in the forest. She felt a pang of rage as she mourned her dead friend. The girl had been young, and she didn’t deserve to die at the hands of this man. Alina’s mind became flooded with memories of the girl as she fought, struggling underneath the man. He was bigger and stronger than she was, and her strength began to falter, the dagger drawing ever closer to her face. She gritted her teeth, praying that she wouldn’t die this way. Her prayers were quickly answered as an arrow struck the man in the temple, driving into his brain. He toppled over, and Alina sat up, gasping for air as she pushed him off her legs. She didn’t waste any time before continuing her journey to Chesca, weaving her way through the fighting.
She soon reached the bottom of the pile of bodies, stacked high, the grass below soaked with the blood of hundreds of fallen soldiers. Staring up, she saw Chesca atop the pile, ordering her army. Alina sheathed her sword and began to climb, using the dead’s limbs to make her way up to her nemesis. Chesca saw her climbing, and for a moment, just a moment, Alina could have sworn she saw a hint of fear in the other woman’s eyes. It was gone quickly, and Chesca began to jab at her with her spear. Alina hissed in pain as it grazed her forehead, and when she next brought her arm up to climb, she grabbed the end of the spear, pulling it downward. The force of the tug made Chesca lose her balance, and both spear and woman toppled over the edge, landing on the blood-soaked ground below. Alina wanted nothing more than to climb back down and finish the job, but others were climbing the tower now, and not all of them were friendly. She hoisted herself to the top and stood, drawing her sword once more. The pain in her shoulder had settled to a dull throb, but she could still feel the warm blood spilling out of it slowly.
As the enemy soldiers reached the top of the pile, Alina readied herself, raising her sword. A hand touched hers, and she wheeled round, ready to strike. She froze as she saw Tamzin, a shy smile on her face. The blonde was bloody, with cuts on her face and arms, but she looked mostly unhurt. Alina felt her heart soar as she looked into the face of the woman she loved; they had been separated for over a month now, and Alina didn’t think she could bear to be away from the other woman for much longer.
“Hi,” she croaked, her voice catching in her throat. Tamzin smiled softly for a moment before the look fell from her face. She tugged Alina behind her, swinging her sword at the enemy who had been stood behind the brunette, ready to strike. He fell, falling backwards to the ground. Alina looked around. The enemy was climbing the pile from all directions, and she turned so that she and Tamzin were back-to-back. Together, they fought, their blades shining in the faint light of the sunset. They cut down enemy after enemy, and soon, others joined them as they managed to climb. Mage and Rina fought side by side with the women, and soon all four directions were clear. The battleground was suddenly quiet, and Alina felt warmth in her hand. She looked down, not even noticing that Tamzin’s hand had intertwined with her own at some point during the fighting. She turned to face her love, and the two stared at each other for a moment, swords lowered. Next to them, Mage and Rina celebrated the victory, but the women didn’t notice them. They only saw each other. Tamzin raised her hand and rested it on Alina’s cheek, bringing their foreheads together, and Alina closed her eyes.
“I missed you,” she murmured, her voice low, “I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again.” Tamzin let out a soft chuckle.
“I will never leave you,” she whispered, bringing their heads closer. Their lips touched, and Alina felt herself melting into Tamzin’s embrace. She hadn’t noticed how tired she was, but now that the fighting was done, she could barely stand. The two pulled apart, and Alina opened her eyes, smiling widely at her love. All thoughts of Chesca and the battle had been leeched from her mind, and all she could think about was the woman who stood in front of her, resplendent in blood covered and scratched armor.
“Alina!” Tamzin screamed at the same moment Alina felt pain blooming through her. She let out a gasp and wheeled around, grabbing her dagger from the scabbard on her hip, driving it upward into Chesca’s throat. The redhead stumbled backward, clawing at her throat as crimson blood began to pour out. Her eyes were wild and scared, and for a second, Alina almost felt sorry for her. Almost. She watched Chesca as she fell to her knees, still clawing at her throat, and she watched as the woman fell, one more body on the immense pile.
“Alina,” Tamzin cried, her voice urgent, “Alina please…” Alina looked down at her body, surprised to see the tip of Chesca’s spear sticking out of her chest, covered in fresh blood. Her blood, she realised. Her vision began to blur, and she felt herself falling. Tamzin caught her as she fell, wrapping the brunette in her arms as tears streamed down her cheeks. Everything was beginning to darken, and Alina forced herself to raise her head to look at the blonde. Their eyes met, and she smiled.
“I’m glad I got to see you one last time.” she whispered, reaching out with a shaky hand to tuck a strand of hair behind Tamzin’s ear. She drew in a deep breath, a smile on her lips, and then everything went black.